Prime Minister Andy Burnham threw himself back into work this week after the death of his 86-year-old dad, Roy from Alzheimer’s disease. Cancelling just two days of engagements on Monday, Andy was back at his desk on Wednesday, saying his father would have wanted him to be “back out there”.
One man who understands exactly how the Prime Minister feels is Reece Newman, whose own father, Colin, died at 86 from Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia this May.
Reece, 53, who lives in Long Newton, Durham, says: “My heart breaks for Andy, who will be going through a lot of emotions this week. The grief that follows dementia is complicated and confusing.
“When someone gets dementia, you lose them twice. It’s a nasty disease that strips a person of who they are bit by bit until there’s almost nothing left. I said goodbye to my dad long before he died. You mourn them before they’ve actually gone. Although he was there in body, he was no longer the father I knew at the end.”
There are many different types of dementia, but Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia make up the majority of cases. Symptoms include memory loss and impaired mental agility, language, understanding, judgement, mood and movement.
Reece, whose dad was diagnosed in 2020, says after watching sufferers deteriorate: “When they then physically die, you take comfort that they’re at peace. Dad fought dementia for seven years. That’s a long time. I miss him terribly but, at the end, I felt like he was finally at rest.”
Reece quit his job as an IT worker to become his dad’s full time carer, says of the Prime Minister: “Andy went back to work this week, which some people questioned. But that’s how some people deal with it. Everyone grieves in different ways, and keeping busy does help – it helped me.
“I also care for my mum, who unfortunately was herself diagnosed with dementia in 2024. “But I also threw myself into running. Like Andy, last weekend I ran the Great North Run. I ran for the Alzheimer’s Society and it was incredibly emotional.”
Before taking office in July, the Prime Minister voiced his sorrow that his father’s dementia meant he couldn’t recognise his son’s achievement. He said: “That’s a sadness, because he would be [proud]. The way I look at it, it’s his achievement as well. A whole family achievement, although he doesn’t know it.”
Reece continues: “My dad drove buses until 2008 when he retired. He loved it, and each Christmas he and my mum would deck the bus out like a Santa’s grotto. He’d wear a Santa’s outfit and hand out chocolates to the passengers. He was a very kind, friendly man.”
In 2019, when Colin was 79, Reece noticed he was becoming forgetful. He says: “It was little things at first, like keys. Then he started forgetting to stop at red lights. So in 2020 he had to give up his driving licence. That was really hard for him.
“His symptoms went downhill fairly quickly. He’d try and wander out in the early hours of the morning. One day he disappeared altogether and had to be brought back from town.”
People with dementia often have less control over their emotions. Reece says: “This was true for Dad. He would suddenly switch from calm to anger.”
He recalls a heartbreaking day when Colin turned on his mum, threatening her. He says: “He was taken by ambulance to hospital and they arranged for him to go into a care home from 2022, because it was safer. None of it was my dad – it was all the disease.”
Like Andy’s father Roy, he also started struggling to recognise people and events around him. Reece says: “When I visited Dad in the care home, it took him longer and longer to realise it was me, but when he did he’d reach out his hand and a big smile would appear on his face. I lived for those moments, because the disease had taken so much from him.”
Reece still misses his dad terribly, saying: “I’ve been through every emotion, as I’m sure Andy is this week. I grieve for the dad I lost to dementia over the last seven years and I grieve for the dad I lost in May.
“Running the Great North Run was incredibly cathartic, as I’m sure it was for Andy too. My dad used to love coming to my races, and I know he was looking down on me cheering me on.”
*For more information, see alzheimers.org.uk
