So I’m guessing Donald Trump finally had a proper night’s sleep.
Many were surprised at how calmly he took the midterm election results. There was no furious explosion. No wild claims of fraud or corruption. No attempts to overturn the result or undermine the American public’s faith in the democratic system. No, he doddered about, looking every single one of his 80 years, giving press conferences that largely focused on interior design.
Until last night, when there was a post on Truth Social: “Does anybody really believe that this “Election” was honest. How could the Polls be so wrong???” He went on to complain of “voting ‘dumps'” that made it impossible to win “no matter how many people went to vote”.
And, of course, he complained about “the machines”. Suddenly it was November 2000 again. And before anyone knew it Trump was behind a podium. He called a surprise press conference, alongside UFC boss Dana White. White was apparently there solely in the pursuit of trolling. Over the weekend, Trump had posted on Truth that he was considering White for Press Secretary. Now, for safety, I normally take what Trump says both seriously and literally, but even I saw that this was a gag. And lo, a baffled White got up to the podium and told everyone he had no intention of going into politics. So that was that.
Trump gave a brief statement telling the press there wouldn’t be any imminent action in Iran, but that the blockade of the Strait was still ongoing. So gas prices will be staying right where they are for a while. And then he took questions, and it was abject chaos. He gave his full-throated backing to ‘Secretary of War’ Pete Hegseth, who is, as of yesterday, being impeached in the House of Representatives.
He repeated his signal that he might calm down his mass deportations plan, but we’ll see how White House Prince of Darkness… sorry… Chief of Staff Stephen Miller gets on with that one. And he said he reckons scandal-hit Nvidia boss Jason Huang will be “alright”. Because he’s one of Trump’s billionaire buddies and all he did was allegedly have a little sex. With an alleged Chinese spy.
And again, he complained about the election – this time about Alaska, insisting it should be called for Republican incumbent, the ‘real’ Dan Sullivan, claiming Democrats had installed a second guy called Daniel Sullivan to ‘steal’ the election. Which he didn’t. The ‘fake’ Daniel Sullivan got about 3,600 votes, and Trump decided all of those people should have voted for the ‘real’ Dan – conveniently ignoring that quite a lot of people probably voted for ‘fake’ Daniel Sullivan because it was funny.
Anyway, the votes are still being counted, and it’s close, but almost certainly not close enough – especially with Alaska’s weird first preference voting system for ‘fake’ Daniel Sullivan to have swung it. And with a final flourish, ‘formally’ asking White to take the Press Secretary job, which he theatrically declined, Trump said: “Thankyou everybody”. And he was gone.
Later that night, he called in to political phone-in TV station CSPAN and had a rant about Venezuela and Iran while a woman – who we don’t think was Melania – giggled in the background. Trump has almost certainly done this before, but usually he gives a fake name.
The whole evening was absolute, dusty bottle in the cellar, vintage Trump. If you were hoping the new, doddery, benign Trump was what we get for the rest of his term, you may be disappointed.
